B4FV 3.06 - Silent Scream

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Go to Parts -- 1 & 2

Disclaimer
Now I'm pretty sure this episode is an original one, kinda.. it isn't a parody, skit or inspired by anything, but there maybe another episode/film like it out there somewhere.

Episode Synopsis
Janeway and Chakotay decide to become the ship's counsellors after a few 'getting to know you' interviews go slightly wrong.

Special Guest Stars
Jeremy Irons as Peter Taylor
Clive Martin as himself

Guest Stars
Adam Blaustein

Written By
Raichu

Co-Written By
Marill

Written
28th February & 4th March 2005, and
10th, 15th, 24th, 26th - 28th March 2005

Episode Based In
June 2372 (early season 3)

Last time on B4 Fifth Voyager
"Well I'm a people person. I'm very good with women, and a lot of them can't get enough of me. They love the Tom attention," Tom replied. "I'm making my way through them all, sometimes it feels like there just isn't enough. Other times, it can be a little too overwhelming taking on too many at once. But that's between you and me, oh and Harry."

"Tom, everyone knows," James said. "Don't worry, I'm sure out of all the women on the ship, there's just Claire and Faye left to reject you and then you can stop. I know you can do it."

James sighed as he turned in the direction of the kitchen. "Neelix, is that a Janeway poster on your wall," he said as loudly as he could. Neelix and everyone else glanced over. James quickly kissed Jessie on the cheek before sitting next to her.

"Why am I looking?" Craig questioned.

"I was wondering if you'd um, ahem.. join me for um, dinner sometime," Tom replied with a stutter.

"Well let me think ab.. no," B'Elanna replied.

Tom frowned, "but.. why not?"

"Because you're a pig," B'Elanna replied.

"Oh well it seemed a waste to well waste the little fellas. They're quite an acquired taste," Neelix replied.

Tom stared blankly, "what little fellas?"

"Our alien invaders from last week," Neelix replied.

"Why don't you replicate food," James said.

"Because I am saving for something else. I'm thinking of giving up on it though, before Neelix kills me," Jessie muttered, passing an icy glare over at Neelix.

Kathryn sighed, "what is it?"

"A talent night," Chakotay replied with a smirk.

Kathryn groaned, "oh god.."

"It wont be that bad," Chakotay said.

"Only cos you'll never take part and just watch," Kathryn muttered.

"That's the plan. I hope you come up with something and join in," Chakotay said with a sneaky grin on his face.

Kathryn looked nervous, "I'm going to tell James the truth this week. So it's out of the way and it'll give him time to get used to it. You know before the baby comes. And I was thinking of doing the Dying Swan for the talent night."

"Yeah yeah, five minutes of her and all that Vulcan control had washed away into nothing," James said. "I saw you clenching your fists."

"I was not, I have full control," Tuvok said.

"What, you're saying that you'd be so angry and violent you'd be a danger to everyone?" James questioned. "Yeah, it's not as good as it sounds."

"You cannot compare your evil state with a Vulcan without control," Tuvok replied.

"Right, Vulcans aren't so tough. I've knocked two out in my time," James said.

Tom rolled his eyes, "no.. you should learn not to take those kind of ramblings seriously. It's just guy talk, you know like 'I am going to kick his a**'."

"What do you want?" James asked.

Tom groaned, he picked up the crisp packet. "I really, really like somebody and I want your help. I want to get her to like me."

James tried to hide a smirk with his hand, "from me? Tom is asking me advice on how to get a girl to like him."

"Please, this is important. It'll ruin my reputation if you tell everyone," Tom said.

"Well I don't think.. oh whatever. Who are you trying to ask out?" James asked. He tried not to laugh again, "is it B'Elanna?"

"No, she's like Jessie in a way. She's mean when she rejects, bad tempered.. you get the point," Tom said.

"Look Tom.. I don't know," James muttered, looking uncomfortable. "You want advice?"

"Yep, as long as it isn't sarcastic or anything," Tom replied.

"If you want to even stand a chance with B'Elanna, don't keep hitting on her. Just be her friend, if you can," James said.

"I think I do. Be friendly, which I can do and wait. What if it never happens?" Tom asked.

"Don't worry, I'm sure you'll become obsessed with someone different next season," James replied.

"You don't look fine. You've been like this for a while, maybe you should see the doc," James said.

"No I'm fine, no need," Jessie stuttered. She put a hand over her mouth, she rushed back into the bathroom.

"I've got something that'll make you feel better," James said. He headed back towards his bedroom. Jessie watched him go in with a confused look on her face. He stepped back out, holding a small box. "Here, think of it as a get well present."

Jessie sighed as she opened the box, "you really shouldn't have." Inside the box was a silver necklace, she gasped as she looked inside, "oh my god." She looked back up at him, "this is the one I was saving up for.. how did you know?"

James shrugged, "yes and doesn't matter. Don't worry about the necklace, you deserve it."

"It's the one I was saving for, but had to stop because Neelix's food was causing hazards to my health. You know why I stopped really, cos of the you know.. the baby, I wouldn't of cared otherwise," Jessie muttered. "I haven't had the guts to tell him yet, and to him I'm just sick. He then gets me the expensive necklace as a get well present, but I'm not even sick..."

Kes sighed, "can I interrupt here? What's so bad?"

"It's awful. I should of told him by now, and I'm sure he only got me it because he's guilty about the Zare thing," Jessie replied.

"You're not horrible. James is sometimes unpredictable, and I'd be worried too," Kes said. "I bet everyone would be worried about telling him something really important, he could be fine with it or could freak out."

"Yeah, it's just that I'm nearly two months pregnant now. He's going to wonder why it took me so long," Jessie said.

Kathryn giggled, "oh I'm not drunk, and I have no stones." She started sniffling again, "oh it's not fair." She slammed her fist on the table again, "I still don't see you doing anything about it. Get me a latte or something at least."

James rolled his eyes, "no. I'm not a Costa Coffee worker, a Pixie Slayer, or a counsellor. I'm also not everyone's personal body guard, a crisp packet opener, the best one to ask for girl advice, or a bloody therapist which is what you obviously need."

Kathryn gasped, "I can't believe how mean you are, I'm not telling you my secret now."

"Well somebody suggested being her friend, do you think that would work?" Tom asked.

"Mr Paris, Miss Torres has often shown her distaste of you. Pursuing her would be futile," Tuvok replied.

Chakotay finally came back to life, "did he not take it well?"

"No, didn't tell him and shush!" Kathryn snapped. "He just said I needed therapy and other things."

Jessie sat down on the chair, she started crying into her hands. "Oh god, I can't do this.."

"Uh Jess, are you all right?" James asked uncomfortably.

"Yes I'm fine.. not sick or miserable, it's just that time of day," Jessie replied, still crying.

"Jess, what's going on?" James asked.

"All right, I'll do it," Jessie muttered. "Um you're um, I'm.. I am, well rather we. Oh god, this shouldn't be so hard. Right, I'm pregnant." She grinned nervously.

James just stared at her, "uh huh.. that's great."

Jessie sighed in relief, "it is.. did you hear me right?"

"I hope I did, this is great news," James replied. He smiled at her, "why wouldn't I be happy about it?"

"Well just a few days," Jessie blurted out. She wrapped her arms around him, she gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. "I'd better be off now, I'm already late." She headed over to the door. She glanced back at him with a big smile on her face, "see you later then." He smiled back at her, she then stepped out. As soon as she did, his face fell.

The viewscreen changed to show another ship, it fired a white beam at them. The light blinded the whole bridge crew. After it died down the ship had disappeared, and everyone was unconscious.

Kathryn was the first to wake up. She looked around the room looking confused, "what the.."

A scream from the back of the bridge woke everyone else up, and startled the rest. Jessie jumped to her feet, her eyes wide in panic. A guy nearby her closed the gap a little. "Hey are you ok?"

Jessie backed off, she looked around the bridge as everyone else stared at her. "What is this.." she stuttered quietly.

"Ok this isn't funny. Who are you freaks and what is this place?" Danny asked as she got onto her feet.

"Yeah ditto. Am I getting paid for this, god I hope I am," Tom said.

Chakotay frowned, "it's not just you, does anyone remember anything about this place or anyone?"

Tuvok tried not to laugh, "as if I'd know losers like you lot."

"So we do remember some things. Someone knows what a Vulcan is, we know how to talk and walk.." Kathryn said. "Obviously the same with a tricorder. Doesn't anybody remember anything about their lives though?" Everyone but Tuvok looked around nervously. "No, neither do I."

"Woah, we're on your side remember," Damien said.

Sid moaned, "oh, but that's no fun."

"Ok but if you're on our side, what are you doing here, triggering our alarms for?" Thompson asked.

"We didn't do that, we came here second," Gareth said.

"Some old friends of ours. They don't take kindly to losing," Damien replied. "They still want to cancel this show, they're on a roll right now."

James groaned, "great, the Fox Network again?"

"Oh yes. Their is already in motion. They used a device to erase the memories of everyone on the bridge, they figured it would be easier to take over the ship if the bridge crew was populated by clueless idiotic people," Damien said.

"We should get to the bridge then," Thompson said.

"Why? The bridge would be full of clueless idiots if you guys and the FDA go," James muttered. Everyone stared at him, some of them with a pout on their face. "Just being honest."

"I take it that included you too," Damien grumbled. "I'm the only smart one here so listen to me. We know how to cure the crew, they did this to us just last week."

"Can't you just tell us what to do? We don't usually invite ex villains to our bridge," James questioned.

Damien sniggered, "as if you'd understand the genius of it."

"Ok, Foster, Thompson, you should take him to Sickbay. Just in case Damien's cure doesn't work," James said.

"It will work, my plans always work," Damien grumbled, pulling faces.

"He has a memory problem and got on my nerves. The rest of the bridge crew have the same problem," James replied.

In: "Oh, that's original. I'll get working on it. It would help if I had one more, just in case he escapes."

James looked worried, "wait, nobody beamed Tuvok to Sickbay?"

"You didn't tell us to," Foster stuttered. They glanced towards where Tuvok was lying before, only Justin and Gareth were still lying on the ground but Tuvok was gone.

"Let me guess, you're afraid of guys?" James questioned.

Jessie shook her head, "no.. no, why would I be?"

"Well it's obvious. You lose your memories of your life, so you forget how you got over it. For one thing, you don't even remember me," James replied.

"We're um, how can I put it? Together," James replied. "But you don't have to believe me about that." He held out his hand, "the doc will get a cure for this, he always does."

Jessie sighed as she took a hold of it, she stepped a little closer. "I don't, don't take it too personally. I just didn't think I'd ever.."

James smiled, "oh believe me, I know. I wouldn't believe it either. Come on." He guided her towards the door.

"But.. this feels familiar," Jessie muttered.

A little while later Danny sneaked out of one of the doors they ran passed. She headed their way, as soon as she got to the cross roads they quickly grabbed a hold of her arms. "Hey, what are you doing!" she screamed.

"Sorry Dan, please don't hate me when you get your memories back," Ian said.

Damien rolled his eyes, "now you tell me. I slaved over that computer for nothing, and I hate you people."

"If you do, why help us?" Kes asked.

"Because, uh.. oh crap, um.. because I'm just like that," Damien replied nervously. He quickly pulled out a hypospray like thing, "that's the cure, knock yourself out. See you later." He rushed out of the room. Sid quickly followed him.

"Now all we need is Tuvok, and fast. I'm running out of floor space," the Doctor grumbled as he looked around Sickbay.

Kes scanned one guy lying nearby his feet, "another one, looks like he got hit in the head with something hard."

Jessie's eyes widened, she quickly hid behind James. The Doctor frowned. "Sorry doc, she doesn't trust guys while she's like this." The Doctor's frown got bigger. "Except me."

"I see," he said. He handed him the hypospray. "Just give her this and she'll be fine. And please capture Mr Tuvok, as you can see.. he's causing me a lot of bother."

Tuvok lowered his hands. He took in a deep breath before screaming madly, "aaaaaaaggghh!" He started running towards him, but he didn't move.

"Oh, good god," James muttered. At the last second he took one step to the left, Tuvok had just then leaped forward and instead he fell onto the ground.

"Owie," he said in a child like voice.

Ian walked over to the group, "sorry about that Dan.."

"No, it's fine, you did what you had to," Danny said sweetly. "Just treat me to a free meal and we're even."

"What happened to Damien and his crew, did they just leave?" Ian asked as Kes made her way over.

"He got nervous when I asked why they were helping us, and left. Obviously he's up to something, we'll find out what no doubt," Kes said.

Jessie sighed, "actually I've got a better question." Everyone turned to her. "If this was the Fox Network's doing, how come we haven't seen any of them?"

Damien sat down in his chair, "the plan is in motion. I can't believe how gullable they are. I told you it was genius."

"Not really, a villain already did something like this in another show so it wasn't your idea," Gareth pointed out.

Damien rolled his eyes, "lets move onto Part Two of the plan, listen carefully.. I'll only explain three times." Myleene used her fingers to count. "That's one time, second time, three times Myleene." She smiled. "Ok, what we do is..."

And now the conclusion
The Ready Room:
Chakotay made his way over to stand beside the desk, while Kathryn peered at a PADD in her hands with interest. "So, how are you adjusting to life onboard Voyager?" she asked.

Craig moved around nervously in his chair, "uh fine ma'am."

"I see, lets talk shall we," Kathryn said, smiling in a creepy way.

"Um, I didn't do anything wrong did I?" Craig stuttered.

"No of course not, this is just a thing we're doing for the whole crew," Chakotay said.

Kathryn's smile changed into a fake sweet one, "well more or less."

"What is this thing though?" Craig asked.

"We just want to get to know our crew," Kathryn replied. "So, the next fifteen minutes it's just you, me and Chakotay. Lets talk about you."

Craig looked even more nervous than before. "Uh.. ok then."

Meanwhile, the Mess Hall:
Neelix hummed out of tune as he held a big picture of Kes against the wall. Using his other hand he stuck selotape pieces onto the corners. After four pieces he backed off with a proud smile on his face. "There, that should brighten the room a little."

"Oh my god, are you all right!?" one girl yelled. Everyone but Neelix gathered around somebody lying on the ground. A little while later the same girl said, "oh great, somebody call Sickbay, he's going to die."

"I told him not to eat that stew," another guy commented.

Neelix tilted his head to the side, "ah what a vision of beauty." He walked back towards the kitchen, totally oblivious to what was happening nearby.

The Ready Room:
"Didn't we already have a little talk?" Faye asked, looking uneasy.

"Yes, but we were interrupted," Kathryn said as she poured herself another cup of coffee.

Chakotay watched her with an animé sweatdrop going down the back of his head. "Uh, we'd better make this quick. So Faye, what do you do in your spare time?"

"Well I collect things," Faye replied.

"What kind of things?" Chakotay asked.

Kathryn started giggling, "you can smell the lime, it's really.." She sipped on her coffee, "oh yeah, I will be trying strawberry later."

"Well these um little toy animals, they're really little," Faye quietly said.

Chakotay nodded, "uh huh. How are you after your little invisibility incident?"

Faye shrugged, "visible and usual."

"What do you do with these animals then?" Chakotay uncomfortably asked.

Meanwhile, Engineering:
Tom dragged Harry in through the main doors. "Hey that hurts," Harry moaned as they stopped. "What's this all about?"

"Listen, the best advice I've heard is make friends with B'Elanna or hypnotise her," Tom muttered. "Which one sounds the best?"

"Uh.. hypnotise her?" Harry shrugged.

"No, I'm going with the advice from a guy that's had at least two girls fighting over him, rather than a dateless wonder," Tom said.

Harry started pouting, "hey, I was the one that suggested hypnotising."

"My point exactly," Tom muttered. "Now, you come with me when I ask her to hang out, that way she wont think that I'm just trying to date her."

"Fine," Harry groaned. He and Tom made their way slowly over to B'Elanna. "So does the being friends tactic actually work?"

Tom shrugged, "beats me, it's James.. he never tells you anything. At the very least he had Zare and Jessie b**ching at each other."

"Hmm, that's better than nothing," Harry sighed.

B'Elanna turned around and found herself face to face with the two. "What do you two want?"

Tom elbowed Harry. "Um er, we're going to the Mess Hall for lunch, do you want to join us?"

B'Elanna rolled her eyes, "ok, who told you about the being friends tactic? I'll give them a beating." She walked off in a huff.

Harry tried not to smirk, "maybe you should give up on this one as well, see ya." He walked off.

Tom quickly followed B'Elanna, "tactic, what are you talking about? I've realised I'm not good enough for you, and I'm sorry for bugging you. I really do want to be friends again."

B'Elanna stopped and turned around, "we were friends before?"

"Ok, maybe not but I'd like to be," Tom replied.

"Did Harry suggest that ridiculous tactic?" B'Elanna asked, folding her arms. "I'm not falling for it."

"No Harry suggested hypnotising and.. uh oops," Tom blurted out, cringing right at the end.

"So when is it you get tired of your infatuation and move onto the next one?" B'Elanna asked. "Who is next anyway, Faye? Or maybe even Lisa."

Tom glanced at the floor, "I'm going to kill him for this.."

"Who?" B'Elanna asked with interest.

"Well I could try and get killed myself," Tom continued to mutter to himself. He looked back up, "the guy who suggested this."

"Hmm, somebody who could easily turn the tables on you, that narrows it down," B'Elanna said sarcastically. She walked off again. "At least I know it wasn't Sid."

Meanwhile, the Security Office:
"I'm telling you it was um.. Tom, yes," Clive was saying, with his hand behind his back.

"Right, Tom has trouble guessing his own password let alone anyone elses," James muttered.

Clive looked confused, "I didn't do anything with passwords."

"I was just saying that he's the last suspect for a hacking incident you moron," James groaned, covering his face.

Clive didn't look happy, "ok fine, it was Naomi.. that's more believable."

Foster walked in, "uh James, we have a fight outside.. I couldn't break them up."

"Fire a phaser at them," James said.

Foster looked uneasy, "you've been saying that to everything I've reported."

"Yes, and so far you've ignored me everytime," James muttered. He got out his own phaser and pointed it at him, "just put it on stun, they'll recover."

Foster's eyes widened, "uh ok boss, you're the boss." He rushed out.

"That's the only way of getting through to these idiots," James said to himself as he put his phaser away. "Where was I?"

"You were busy blaming me for something I didn't do," Clive replied.

"Look, you and me are the only suspects, and I couldn't care less about other people's rations. I was in a coma for a while, I've got plenty," James said.

"That sounds like a great way of saving money, you still get paid for being in a coma?" Clive questioned.

"Yeah, do you need a hand with that?" James asked.

"No, I'll manage," Clive muttered. "Geeze, somebody's testy today."

"I'm not, couldn't be better," James said.

Foster walked back in, "ok I did it, I shot them."

"Okeydokey, put yourself in the brig then," James said.

Foster pouted, "huh.. you told me to do it!"

"What else can I do for fun around here, and get rid of you at the same time?" James questioned.

Foster started crying, "you're mean, I'll report you." James got out the phaser again, Foster ran out as quickly as he could.

"Speaking of reports, better deal with people's moaning and crap," James said as he turned to the computer.

Clive raised an eyebrow, "ok.. good for them people." He headed out.

In: "Chakotay to Martin, it's your turn."

"Damn it, why didn't I get rid of this?" Clive grumbled as he threw away his commbadge. He walked out.

James meanwhile narrowed his eyes as he brought a PADD closer, "hey, what did I do?"

1100 hours
The Conference Room:
All of the senior staff had sat down around the table.

"Ok moving on, Tuvok?" Chakotay said.

"A lot of complaints have been sent to me about a crewmember, however Mr Taylor is the one that's in charge of going through them," Tuvok said.

"And?" Kathryn said.

"They're all about him," Tuvok replied.

Everyone glanced over in James' direction. "Oh come on, not all of them are. There's one about Janeway and a few about Tom," he muttered.

Tom looked nervous, "what is there to complain about, I'm a nice, friendly guy."

"A little too friendly if you ask me," B'Elanna muttered.

Kathryn shook her head, "what are they complaining about?"

"Mainly his bad attitude lately. Also Foster claims he made him shoot two people to stop them fighting and told him to go to the brig afterwards," Tuvok replied.

"It was a test to see if he'd rather be stunned by a phaser shot by me, or shoot other people. He failed," James said.

"Actually that's a good idea for a test," Chakotay commented.

"Please tell me you're joking," Kathryn grumbled. "So have you got anything to say for yourself?"

"Um yeah, I'm bored," James replied.

Kathryn groaned into her hand, "that's not what I meant!" Nearly everyone moved their chairs a few centimetres backwards.

Jessie moved her own chair closer to James', she put a hand on his arm. "You've been a bit off all day, what's wrong?"

"Nothing, just some people annoyed me that's all," James replied.

"You mean about twenty people managed to annoy you," Tom said as he looked at Tuvok's PADD. He took it off him.

Kathryn glanced over at Chakotay, "put him on the list." Chakotay nodded. "Now moving on.. As you know I've been having fifteen minute meetings with crewmembers I don't know that well, to get to know them, for the last few days. I'm not impressed so far, there's obviously a lot of people onboard with problems."

"The Captain and I agree that this ship needs a counsellor," Chakotay said. "As we don't have any, the Captain has decided to do it temporarily for a week." Nearly everybody stared blankly.

"And of course, if I give you an appointment, you have to come," Kathryn said.

Chakotay sighed, "and I'll be there to make sure she doesn't screw up."

"That's a full time job, right?" James commented.

Kathryn was now fuming, "that's it, you're going to be one of my first 'volunteers'."

"Hang on, who's crazy or moody enough to go before him?" Tom asked.

Harry shook his head, "well you're crazy enough to make comments like this, on days like these."

"Or stupid enough," Jessie muttered.

Tom looked confused, "what do you me.. ow!" He stumbled off his chair, cradling his leg. "Ow, I think he broke my leg."

"Just by kicking it, cool," Danny said.

Chakotay looked at his PADD, "well Tom should be moved before James as he's a danger to himself."

Kathryn groaned, "no, it's James that does most of that damage anyway."

"Hey," Jessie and B'Elanna moaned.

"All right, you two can have some credit too," Kathryn said. The two girls smiled. "Speaking of, you two could do with some rage counselling."

B'Elanna slammed her fist on the table, "no I bloody well don't!"

Harry's eyes shifted nervously, "we have too many violent people in the senior staff, no wonder all the aliens we come across aren't friendly."

"I'm not that bad," Jessie commented. She tried to ignore smirks from a few people. "Recently."

Kathryn just stared blankly, "you're after James."

"But.. oh," Jessie moaned.

James rolled his eyes, "ok, is everyone getting the Janeway therapy? We don't all want lessons on how to be like you."

"Here here," Tom groaned as he climbed back onto his chair.

"Everyone who obviously needs help with something will get it. You know like people with attitude problems and violent tendencies," Kathryn said, glancing James' way. "Other violent people," she glanced at B'Elanna, then Jessie. "Crazy and or stupid people who are a danger to themselves," glancing at Tom, then Neelix, and then finally Ian.

"What, I'm not crazy," Ian muttered.

"Well you look crazy," Kathryn said.

Chakotay sighed, "just give everyone here that has an appointment, their appointment card and wrap this up."

"What happens if we don't go?" Jessie asked, smiling sweetly.

"Then we'll just come to you, commbadge or no commbadge," Kathryn replied.

"Wait, surely I'm not the only one with an attitude problem?" James said.

"Lately yours seems to outweigh the total number of everyone elses," Chakotay commented.

"Hmm, ok.. there's the violent tendency part," James muttered, narrowing his eyes.

Chakotay glanced at Kathryn, "should we have him first?"

"No, I have an insane teenager who collects 'Puppy in My Pockets' and centres her whole life around them first," Kathryn replied.

"What!?" Tom yelled out. "She's not going to do any harm, don't you think the violent ones need sorting out before somebody, like me, gets killed?"

"Well maybe if you shut up, it wont happen," Jessie said.

"Good point but mine's better," Tom grumbled.

"He has a point," Chakotay said.

James shrugged, "I have many.." He glanced in Tom's direction.

"Ok lets hear them," Tom said.

"Oh they're not verbal points," James said.

Tom's eyes widened, "ok, can I go now?"

"No. Only Tuvok and Harry can, everyone else needs an appointment," Chakotay replied. Tuvok got up and walked out, Harry hurried after him with a smirk on his face.

Danny glanced around, "ok.. I wasn't mentioned before, you forgot me so can I go?"

Jessie raised an eyebrow, "hey if I'm here for my temper, you've got to have one for that dirty mind."

Neelix looked confused, "why am I here Captain? I'm perfectly fine."

"Ha, everytime you get drunk you streak," Ian said.

Kathryn shuddered, "Chakotay, you're handling that one."

Chakotay groaned, "fine, you can have James then."

"Yes, that's a similar case," Kathryn sarcastically said. "I was going to take him anyway."

"Ooh yey," James muttered sarcastically. "Does that mean I get free coffee?"

"Ha, you wish," Kathryn laughed.

Jessie glanced at Kes, "why aren't you complaining?"

"Well I did date Neelix," Kes commented.

"Good point," Jessie said.

1130 hours
Chakotay's Office:
Claire stood at the doorway, "what's this about?"

"Captain Janeway and I are doing crew evaluations," Chakotay replied.

Claire pulled a face, "didn't we already do something like this?"

"Yes but we forgot to discuss important things. Please sit down," Chakotay replied.

"Ok," Claire sighed as she made her way over. She sat down opposite him.

"Now, how are you adjusting to life onboard Voyager?" Chakotay asked.

"Fine.." Claire replied.

"Ok, what about your lessons.. how are they?" Chakotay asked.

"Uh, is this another 'get to know you' interview or an evaluation?" Claire asked.

"Evaluation, don't worry I just do these in a different way that's not very confrontational. I'm sure the Captain will be doing the same thing," Chakotay replied.

Meanwhile
The Ready Room:
Kathryn sat down on her sofa reading a PADD while sipping on her coffee. The door chimed. "Yes, come in."

Faye walked in nervously, "you wanted to see me?"

"Yes, come and sit down," Kathryn replied, patting the part of the sofa beside her.

Faye nervously sat down next to her. "Why don't we talk about this collection of yours," Kathryn said.

"Uh actually I don.." Faye said.

"Do you see them as substitutes Faye, they're not real people, and they do not understand you," Kathryn said.

Faye raised an eyebrow, "uh.. right."

"You should try doing more grown up things, it should give you some self esteem," Kathryn said.

"Um can I say," Faye muttered.

"In a minute, I'm onto something. If you 'grow up' then you might start feeling like the real thing," Kathryn said.

"The real me?" Faye stuttered.

"Yes, people change during their teens or twenties," Kathryn said.

1210 hours
The Mess Hall:
"This is crazy," Jessie said.

"Isn't that the whole point. Hope you guys have fun with that," Harry said smugly.

Jessie slapped him across the back of his head, making him pout and rub it. "I don't need any kind of counselling, I'm perfectly fine."

Danny tried to keep a straight face, "oh yeah there's nothing wrong with you."

"No there isn't, that's why my appointment was moved back. Before long I'll not have one," Jessie said.

"Why was it moved back, really?" Danny asked.

Jessie shrugged, "she must of thought some little people were more urgent. There was um Anderson, Lewis and Martin.. ring any bells?"

"Lewis will be Claire, but personally I think she's the most sane out of all of us. I don't know the others," Harry replied.

"It wouldn't surprise me if she's going through the entire crew," Kes muttered as she walked over to the table. She put down a cup as she sat down next to Danny.

"Well there's nothing wrong with me, she said so, I don't have to worry," Harry said.

Jessie raised an eyebrow, "that's what you think."

"What do you mean?" Harry questioned.

"I think James made a comment about the sleep walking thing, you're the thirteen hundred one," Jessie replied.

Harry stared at her blankly, "but he's making it up!"

"Right, so you and James made a tape and agreed to make you look like a twit with it," Danny muttered.

"Twit?" Harry muttered.

"Yeah, moron or loon, take it anyway you want. If he's making it up then you must of been acting in the video," Danny said.

"It had to be a hologram," Harry said while blushing.

"Sure, whatever," Danny said with a wink.

"So which poor schmuck is with her right now?" Jessie asked.

Kes smiled, "oh one of the urgent ones."

Tom walked into the room, he headed over to the nearest table which was theirs. "Harry, you know me better than anyone onboard, right?"

"Um I guess so," Harry replied.

Tom pulled a chair away from another table, he sat down. "So do you think my mouth works faster than my brain does?"

"Yes," everyone replied.

"Ok, do I have behaviour problems?" Tom asked. Everyone nodded. "Right, you've got to say no to this one. Do you think I only annoy violent people because I get my kicks from getting punched in the face?"

Jessie looked uncomfortable, "oh I don't know, what kind of kicks?"

Danny burst out laughing, "oh Jess, you're in trouble if it's what I'm thinking. Then again so is B'Elanna and especially James."

Tom stared blankly at her, "no, not that kind of kicks."

"It kinda makes sense," Harry said. Tom moved his stare over to him. "Think about it, why else would you say stupid things to people like them? You should know by now what kind of response you'll get it."

"That's great Tom, if you like getting beat down we can make a daily appointment," Jessie said.

"But I don't, I prefer having my nose the way it is and my face bruiseless," Tom muttered.

"And the ability to have kids in the future," Danny said.

Tom's eyes widened a little, "yes, that more than any of those.. well kinda, you know." Harry nodded his head.

"Ohno, we can't have that. One Tom is bad enough," Jessie said.

"Feel the love in the room," Tom muttered. "Besides, I'm sure more people are less fond of having a Jessie Junior around."

"What's that suppose to mean," Jessie stuttered, looking nervous. "What have people been saying?"

"Um nothing, what's wrong? Are people mistaking you gaining weight for something else?" Tom asked. Jessie narrowed her eyes, he quickly backed his chair away.

Danny glanced at her, "you don't look any.."

"Shut up, all of you shut up!" Jessie snapped. She slapped Harry again.

"Ow.. what was that for?" he moaned.

"Sorry, you were the closest," Jessie replied.

Tom sighed in relief, "I didn't mean that you did, I was just wondering why you panicked after the Junior comment."

Jessie laughed nervously, "oh it's just somebody was spreading some rumour, forget I said anything."

Kes covered her face with her hand. Tom looked intrigued, "which rumour? I haven't heard it."

Jessie glanced at Kes, "um.. some idiot thought that Kes was my kid, you know cos I said to them what her age was."

Danny shook her head, "people will believe anything these days, ey?"

"She doesn't look like a kid though," Tom said.

"Yeah I know, he thought Kes wasn't the one I was talking about," Jessie said. She quickly got out of her chair, "ok I've got to go and um, hair dressers appointment." She rushed off.

Kes stood up too, "um yeah, me too."

"Uh Kes. One, we don't have one. Two, your hair is short enough already," Danny commented.

"There is and I'm getting extensions, whatever they are," Kes muttered before rushing after Jessie.

Danny smiled, "hmm, those would suit her actually."

Tom frowned, "ok, something is going on with Jessie, and Kes is in on it."

Danny shrugged, "maybe they really are related."

Tom laughed, "yeah right, but maybe that's a good rumour for my bookies.. I'd get a huge pay out for it."

Harry raised an eyebrow, "even Voyager doesn't have that many idiots on board."

Meanwhile Kes had caught up with Jessie. "Great excuse, now we'll have to get our hair done."

"You didn't have to do the same excuse, did you?" Jessie said.

"True, but I couldn't think of anything else," Kes said.

"Don't worry about it, I doubt any one would notice anyway," Jessie said.

Kes sighed, "O'Hara suggested I should get extensions, what are those?"

"They make your hair look longer, it's fake hair. You should get the doc to make your hair grow faster instead," Jessie replied.

"No.. I think I'll go with O'Hara. What are you going to do?" Kes asked.

"Dunno, I'd get it curled again but it straightens too quickly," Jessie replied.

Kes smiled, "can you get curly extensions?"

End of Part I

Part II

1224 hours
The Ready Room:
"I think I see your problem, Craig," Kathryn said.

Craig's eyes shifted nervously, "but I don't ha.."

"Shush, I'm getting somewhere!" Kathryn snapped. She had a sip of her coffee. "I think your problem is that you're trying to avoid acting like a teenager, or a grown up. You're still trying to be a child."

"But I do act like a teen," Craig muttered.

"Listen Craig, you seem like a nice boy and you're not ugly. At your age you should be dating, partying with friends, that sort of thing," Kathryn said.

Craig looked more worried than before, if that's possible, "not ugly?"

"Well I can't say anything more than that, you're only sixteen or something and it would be wrong," Kathryn said, shaking her head.

"Ookay then," Craig mumbled.

Meanwhile
Chakotay's Office:
Chakotay put down his PADD, then leaned on the desk. "The purpose of this is to help the crewmembers who we think need it."

"Ok, fair enough," Clive said.

The two sat in silence for a few minutes. "So, how are you settling in?" Chakotay asked.

"Good," Clive replied.

Chakotay nodded, "ok.. what about your job, do you like it?"

"It's ok," Clive replied.

Chakotay sighed, "all right." He rubbed his forehead, "what about people, do you get along ok with everyone?"

"More or less," Clive replied.

"Ah, go on," Chakotay said. He just stared at him. "Ok ok, do you have any answers that are longer than three words?"

"No," Clive replied.

Chakotay groaned, "ugh.."

1255 hours
The Security Office:
Kathryn stood nearby the door, Foster and Thompson were standing in front of her. "So do you boys have an appointment?" she asked.

"I had one already," Foster replied.

Thompson smiled nervously, "I'm too normal and sane to need an appointment."

"Yes well I'd better go," Kathryn said.

"Yeah before I go evil and hit your head against the wall," James muttered.

"Actually we're leaving now," Foster stuttered. He and Thompson rushed out of the room.

James briefly looked at Kathryn, then back at the computer. She watched him. "What's the matter with you?"

"My appointment isn't until thirteen hundred thirty hours," James said.

Kathryn sat down opposite him, "I'm putting it forward."

"I'm working on something important," James muttered.

"All right, I know something's bothering you lately though," Kathryn said. "See you at half one." She stepped out.

Meanwhile
The Mess Hall:
Neelix picked up a tray, he headed over to a group of four's table. On the neighbouring table Faye was busy downing small glasses of coke. Neelix watched her as he made his way over.

Craig walked in, he stopped once he was a few metres away from the door. After a quick nervous glance around the room, he whipped out a PADD.

"Here's your many drinks," Neelix said, eyeing the few dozen small glasses of coke.

"Hey thanks," Faye mumbled. She pulled a face at him, "you still here?"

Neelix lifted his head slightly as he sniffed the air, "what's that smell?"

"Probably him," Faye replied, pointing at a woman on the nearby table.

"Him, hey!?" she snapped.

Neelix stared at Faye blankly, "are you drunk?"

"Me, no way. You've been serving me Cherry Coke anyway, there's no booze in that," Faye replied.

Neelix looked worried, "you never know." He snatched one glass away. "Hmm, it smells fine."

"Duh yeah, it's just coke, now shoo," Faye muttered.

"Shoo?" Neelix said.

"Yes. Get lost, f off, clear off, go away.. getting it yet?" Faye grumbled.

"Ok ok," Neelix stuttered, he slowly turned away.

Craig meanwhile made his way over to a table occupied by three girls. "Hi um, can I join you?" One of the girls shrugged so he sat down. "Now um, what's your names?" he asked as he held the PADD tightly. The girls eyed it looking worried. "It's a crew survey."

1330 hours
The Security Office:
The doors opened, Kathryn made her way through them and towards the desk. She put down a cup before sitting down.

James glanced at her briefly, "sorry, the nut house is next door."

"It's time for your appointment," Kathryn muttered.

"Good luck," James said with a sigh. He sat back in the chair and put his feet onto the desk. "You've got fifteen."

"Please don't do that, you might damage the desk," Kathryn said.

"Wow I feel much better, thanks," James commented.

Kathryn folded her arms on the desk, "James, you're not happy about something. Maybe you'd feel better if you talked about it."

"I'd rather not," James said.

"Ok, is it about Jessie?" Kathryn asked.

"Yes, but you're never going to get it," James muttered in response.

"You've been acting like somebody who's just learned something, or has had something happen to him, and he doesn't know what to do about it," Kathryn said.

"Look I told you, I don't want to talk about it," James said.

"Why do I get the feeling that I already know what this is about," Kathryn said. "She told you, didn't she? Took her time."

James sat up with a frown on his face, "told me what?"

"Something really big, right?" Kathryn said quietly.

"She told you, why would she tell you about it?" James said.

Kathryn smiled, "I was the one who helped her find out. It does all make sense. People take pregnancy news in three different ways. There's the happy one, those ones were usually trying anyway. There's the scared ones, they tend to get over it after a while. And finally there's the ones that act like their world has come to an end."

"I haven't been acting like that," James said.

"Well you seem to be snapping at nearly everyone, it's almost like you don't care about anything at the moment," Kathryn said.

"I do though, I just.." James muttered. "There's no point in talking to me about this, cos I have no idea what's wrong with me."

"It's all right James, I'm sure after a few days you'll warm to the idea. You're just in shock," Kathryn said.

"That's the thing, I don't think it is that. I didn't feel shocked when she told me, I don't know what it was.," James said. "It's stupid you know, I thought this was what I wanted and that I'd be happy."

"And you weren't," Kathryn said.

"What's the matter with me, do I just subconsciously enjoy making myself miserable? For god's sake, I'm in a relationship with my best friend who I've loved for years, she's pregnant with my child.. I should be annoyingly happy and hyper. I should be the one people would want to hit, you know.." James said.

"There's obviously something that's ruining this for you," Kathryn said with a sigh. "Is it because she waited a while to tell you, or is it too early or.."

James leaned on the desk, "no, it's.. not exactly how I wanted it."

"What do you mean?" Kathryn asked.

"Well I didn't want our baby to be the product of a stupid virus in the Cherry Coke, maybe that's it," James replied.

Kathryn looked confused, "she got pregnant then? But that was.."

"I know, really stupid," James grumbled as he covered his face with his hand. "Out of the few times, it had to be that time."

Kathryn did the same, "ohno.. is that what she said, are you sure?"

"Yeah, I doubt she'd lie.. if she did she would of said the second or third time," James replied as he got out of the chair. He walked away from the table.

"My god, stupid girl," Kathryn muttered to herself. She sat up a little, "you know.."

"It's just typical of my luck, I don't know why I bothered asking when.. it had to be then," James muttered.

Kathryn looked nervous, "uh James.."

"I mustn't have much stuff to tick off my check list now," James continued to mutter, while pacing of course.

"What check list?" Kathryn asked.

"My check list of stuff I was against, you know stuff that I thought nobody had a good reason for doing. I didn't really write it out obviously," James replied.

"You had conceive a baby via a Cherry Coke virus on that?" Kathryn questioned.

James turned around to stare at her funny, "no.. get a girl pregnant while drunk or something. I know that's not something somebody would do intentionally, but it's still not something I wanted to do."

"Oh.. but that's the thing you.." Kathryn stuttered.

"I've already got the killing people one ticked off, don't hit girls and I did kinda cheat. Yeah Zare did kiss me, but that counts," James muttered.

"Uh it doesn't if you don't kiss her back. Anyway you don't.." Kathryn said.

"All I need to do now is hit a kid, abort a kid, rape someone or just try, and get married just so I can get divorced," James muttered. "Then I'll be the kind of monster my dad would be proud to call his son."

"Ok I know Peter was a jacka**, but I doubt he'd be happy if a child of his did all that, well except the first one," Kathryn said. "Look as far as I know you only killed under this weird evil influence thing. You have never cheated unless you've slept with another girl, kissed another girl etc.."

"That's it, that's your little 'you're not a monster' speech that's suppose to change my mind?" James said with a raised eyebrow.

"The kind of monster you're speaking of is a brutal killer, who obviously has no respect or feelings for the girl he's dating. I don't even want to begin on those other things that were on your list, I don't think you're capable of any of them," Kathryn said. "Except the last one, there are a lot of good reasons for divorce."

"Well yeah but you've got to admit it, probably all of those reasons are used because some idiot married another idiot, and they weren't right for each other," James said.

"Ok but still.." Kathryn said with a shrug.

"Whatever, I'm sure the fifteen minutes should be over by now," James said.

"I think we're nowhere near finished," Kathryn said.

"I think we are. I thought it would make things worse if I talked about it," James said. "Besides, I have work to do."

Kathryn sighed as she stood back up, "ok but just remember, if you ever want to talk, my door's always open."

1410 hours
The Mess Hall:
"So I was wondering if you uh.. wanted to do something tonight," Craig mumbled.

Faye tilted her head to the side, she then glanced behind her. "Who are you talking to?"

"Um, you.. you're my age and um pretty," Craig said really quietly.

Faye burst out laughing, "that's a good one."

"I'm serious," Craig said.

Faye tried to calm down, "oh that's a good joke. See you in class tomorrow, maybe." She turned around and walked out of the room.

Craig pouted, he fiddled with his PADD before heading over to Claire's table.

Tom downed the rest of his drink, he slowly headed over to B'Elanna. He sat down opposite her, she passed him an icy stare before glancing back down at a PADD she had a hold of.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"We need to talk," Tom replied.

"We really don't," B'Elanna muttered.

Tom folded his arms across the table, "I think you're being really unfair to me."

B'Elanna looked back up at him, "I am?"

"Yes. I've never done anything to you, and I'm not a bad guy. You're treating me like crap for no reason, and if you can give me a reason then I'll leave you alone," Tom replied.

"All right," B'Elanna said, she slammed the PADD down onto the table and got out of her seat. "I can't stand you, I hate you.. you're a stalking creep who loves himself and thinks he's god's gift to women. News flash Paris, you're women's punishment for letting something like you ever be born, which isn't really fair."

Tom stared at her with wide eyes, "uh.. that was harsh."

"Yeah, so leave me alone," B'Elanna muttered.

"I don't think I'm god's gift and.." Tom stuttered.

B'Elanna shook her head, "well you act like you do."

Tom pulled himself out of his chair, "I don't."

"Shouldn't you be in the middle of leaving me alone?" B'Elanna grumbled.

"No, we're not finished here," Tom said.

B'Elanna shrugged, "ok that's fine." She punched him in the face, knocking him backwards onto the ground. "Now we are." She walked out of the room.

1430 hours
The Security Office:
B'Elanna stormed into the room, then stood in front of the desk. "You have to do something."

"I am," James muttered.

B'Elanna slammed her hands down on the desk, "about Tom, I've done everything."

"All right, slow or fast?" James questioned.

B'Elanna rolled her eyes, "serious please."

"I am, I mean what else am I good for besides killing and beating," James said.

B'Elanna frowned, "what's up with you lately?"

"Nothing, all's good," James replied.

"Just talk to him, this is stalking so it's a security matter," B'Elanna muttered.

"Wow, haven't you gotten soft. Just keep hitting him or something," James said.

"Soft?" B'Elanna growled.

"It's not like you to get someone like me to help you with something like this," James said.

"I told you, I've tried everything," B'Elanna grumbled.

"Sure, Jessie and Kes don't have him after them anymore. Obviously you're not trying ha